Papercut

Do you ever feel insecure at times? I do, I feel insecure when I realize that if we're not careful, everything we have and care for can just disappear in a blink of an eye. We always have to watch our moves very carefully, because we fear the consequences.
Last night, something happened to me which made me realize how close I was to losing something I care a lot for. That night gave birth to a series of events depicting confusion, jealousy, and even hatred, involving people that I care for.
I just want to remind people just how easy it is to lose everything, and how sometimes, even our closest friends can make us feel at risk.
Insecurity is the only word I can think of to describe what I felt after witnessing those events. Insecurity...Knowing that you can pass from being loved to being hated, from being a friend to an enemy in no time at all. But it's not just a question of making the right decisions and being careful, because I had the impression that my insecurity had always been there, hiding inside me somewhere, waiting, waiting for the right moment...
Ironically, earlier this week, before any of these troubling events occurred, I was listening to a song which sort of links in to how I felt last night.
Without any more delay, here is “Papercut”...



LINKIN PARK

“Papercut”



Why does it feel like night today?
Something in here's not right today.
Why am I so uptight today?
Paranoia's all I got left
I don't know what stressed me first
Or how the pressure was fed
But I know just what it feels like
To have a voice in the back of my head
Like a face that I hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time I lie
A face that laughs every time I fall
(And watches everything)

So I know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is hearing me
Right beneath my skin

It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin

I know I've got a face in me
Points out all my mistakes to me
You've got a face on the inside too and
Your paranoia's probably worse
I don't know what set me off first
But I know what I can't stand
Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is
I can't add up to what you can but

Everybody has a face that they hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time they lie
A face that laughs every time they fall
(And watches everything)

So you know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is watching you too
Right inside your skin

[x2]
It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin

The face inside is right beneath your skin [x3]

The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me
The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me

The sun
I feel the light betray me
The sun
I feel the light betray me

It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin

It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin
[ Ajouter un commentaire ] [ 6 commentaires ]

# Posté le dimanche 11 février 2007 11:23

Me, My life...

Me, My life...
Well, some people have been saying that they don't see much of me on my blog, so this article is going to talk about me. I guess you already know the facts, where and when I was born, where I lived and for how long, but this article isn't going to talk about the facts, it's going to talk about who I am, in my point of view. I've never been good at judging myself, and I thought that would have caused me a bit of a problem, but I'm not going to be judging myself, I'm going to try and make you see the guy you all know as Luca, through my own eyes...

I wake up every morning, sometimes in a good mood, sometimes in a bad mood, always with messy hair. Sometimes I wake up in a hurry because I'm afraid of missing my bus to school. On the bus, I listen to my iPod, setting it on shuffle as usual. At school, the same old routine: Meet my friends, go to my locker, spend those last 5 minutes with my friends before the ring of the bell, announcing a new day to my academic life. At the end of the day, I take the bus back home, and find myself sitting with my family at dinner time a few hours later. During the weekends I go out with my friends, to the cinema, to town or do some homework (always with a bit of laziness).

A pretty normal life so far, you would say. A life that makes me no different than any other person you know. In fact, why would I need to be different to anyone else? To be honest, I can't give you an answer to that question. Sometimes I don't know whether or not I want to be different to other people. I don't know whether or not there is something about me that makes me unique, or if I carry with me a typical characteristic which you would classify as “Yes, that's Luca”. I wouldn't even know whether to classify myself as discrete or extravagant, I guess that's for other people to decide. But I can tell you what I think of myself, how I see myself, and my surroundings.

First, my negative points. I can say that I lack self-confidence at times. Sometimes I just wake up in the morning, look at myself in the mirror and think: God, you are a mess! I think, maybe I'm too harsh on myself at times, but I wouldn't know for certain. Lack of self-confidence in the way I speak, dress, act, walk and most of the time, I lack confidence in the way I look. Very often I find myself in a situation where I just cannot accept my appearance, I just can't stand it. Those would be the times I wished I was someone else. In these situations, I hate doing almost anything that might, through my eyes, make me appear even worse. All of a sudden I stop joking, laughing, and put on a serious face, leaving the people closest to me in utter confusion. Not to mention the more common problems that everyone has in their lives, stress from school, relationships and other things. My lack of self-confidence also affects the small things I do. Whenever I play guitar I'm always in doubt: Did I play well or am I a complete mess? Whenever I receive a compliment from someone I think: Did they really mean it or did they just say that to not offend me? Maybe my lack of confidence in myself, especially in my appearance, places psychological limits on me, which maybe shouldn't be there. However, even if I do get fed up at times with the way I speak or the way I look, I wouldn't want to be somebody else. I tell myself: This is the way God made me; I have to not just accept it, but show gratitude for it. I could have, by some tragic coincidence been born deformed, or with an inherited disease but I haven't. I might have been born with a big nose but I don't care, I'm thankful for that, because it could have been worse. So I guess the problem is accepting that on a permanent basis.

Now, to the positive points. I can't say for certain if there is anything positive about me because I don't know what positive points there are about me, I don't know what people like about me, or if people like anything about me at all. I can, however, tell you about the things that make my life brighter.
First of all, my family. Obviously, I wouldn't be here without them, but also, it feels too good to know for a fact that someone really cares for you and will be there if you need them. It's true what they say, about your home being a little island of security and peace, floating in the middle of an ocean of violence, hatred, mischief and death that we call our world. Every one of my family members, even the ones that I don't see that much or don't talk to that much, I know that the bonds between us are so strong that they might never be broken, no matter what happens. If I could mention only one of my family members, and describe the strange ways in which family relationships work, it wouldn't be my mother or my father, both whom I love unconditionally and look up to, it would be my brother. The person that has been literally by my side for sixteen years (he's in the next room right now, not even 10 metres away ). Despite the brotherly fights (which I normally always lose), despite the arguments, despite the different tastes in music and hobbies, despite the completely different ways of thinking, there's an invisible link between me and my brother so strong, that not even the four riders of the Apocalypse would be able to break. This bond will always be there, whether we like it or not. To put it simply to you, if I were to face an army of a million men, and only had the right to choose one person to fight with me, it would be my brother, the person whom I know for a fact, would never turn his back on me if I needed him, no matter what stupid mistakes I made in my life, no matter what trouble I got myself into.
Another thing that makes me happy about myself and the life I live is without a doubt, my friends. You see, I'm the kind of person who would never write a list of my friends because I would be too worried which name to write first. I care so much for each and every one of them, even if I don't show it usually. Sometimes when I'm walking through the corridors with some of my friends, talking to them, I go silent for a while, with the excuse of listening to my iPod, and just observe my friends. I look at the different characteristics of each one of them, I find out what I like about them. Then I listen to them joke, laugh and talk to each other, no matter if it's in English, Swedish, Danish or whatever, and think: What would I have done without these guys? I watch them while they talk normally, like they do everyday, and just want those simple, irrelevant moments, like joking about someone's music taste (ehem...Sum 41), those moments that repeat themselves almost everyday, and I just want those moments to never go away, even if they are simple and not very important. The number of times I sat with my friends in the cantine at school having lunch, all together, and in some occasions we had to move to a bigger table because there were so many of us. The number of times we interrupted lessons because we were talking, or rushed back into the classroom right under the second bell; it's those simple moments that stick to you the most. We live through so many experiences right beside our friends, and I don't regret the bad experiences either. I think back on the times one of us was having a bad day, or was simply “not in the mood”, or the times where we had really big arguments with our friends and haven't talked to them for days. I close my eyes and see those experiences crossing my mind in a blur: The arguments between us, the fights, the misunderstandings... I open my eyes again, and I'm in the cantine once more, with all my friends, as if nothing ever happened, everyone is laughing and joking again, and I feel like I'm part of them. That's how strong friendship is. With friendship, you can walk straight through Hell itself, and when you made it to the other side, you look back at Hell, you're out of breath, you barely survived, then you look at your friend, who is standing beside you, out of breath and exhausted too, and he goes, “Now THAT, is going to be a hell of a story to tell!”

At the end of the day, when I go to bed, I think back to all these things I mentioned to you today, and even if I had the worst day ever and I'm fed up with myself and the way I look, right before I turn off the light, I look up at the sky through my window and ask Him just one thing:
Please, make me be here tomorrow morning...
[ Ajouter un commentaire ] [ 14 commentaires ]

# Posté le samedi 27 janvier 2007 19:41

Modifié le samedi 27 janvier 2007 20:29

Ludwig van Beethoven

I already wrote articles about two famous people that I look up to. Now I have to write one about a famous musician, known worldwide, to whom I have the utmost respect for, Ludwig van Beethoven.


Ok, so most of you may find this kind of weird, being used to today's rock bands and other types of modern music. But if you ask me for the definition of the word “music”, I wouldn't hand you a dictionary, I would make you listen to one of Beethoven's compositions. To me, this man was outstanding, not only for the excellence of his work, but also for the struggles he faced during his life. He is widely considered as one of the best (if not the best) musicians who ever lived. He is also considered by many as a musical genius.
In my opinion, I agree with the first remark. As for the second, we could have some doubts. You see, as opposed to Mozart, Beethoven had to write, re-write, think, correct and spend hours working on his compositions until he got them right. All Mozart needed was a desk to work on, a paper and pen, and he would write down masterpieces of music, from the top of his head, without making a single mistake, as if he were writing a letter to a friend. In this case, we shouldn't really consider Beethoven as a genius, because he didn't have the natural talent in writing music that Mozart had. Also, Mozart started composing at the age of just four years whereas Beethoven began developing his musical skills when he was around 8.
However, if we put those arguments to one side and concentrate on the final results, Beethoven's compositions, can we not say that they were the work of a true genius? Just listen to any one of his symphonies; do you think anyone could be able to do that? I honestly don't think so. Yes, it took Beethoven a lot more time and more practice than what it took Mozart to make a brilliant piece of music, but when you look at the final result, wasn't it all worthwhile? If you look at it from this perspective you could really say “Practice makes Perfect”... and Amen to that.
As for his life, we can say he had his ups and downs like everybody else. His father was his first music teacher, and took him around Europe to play for rich aristocrats. Unfortunately, the young Beethoven wasn't as talented as Mozart, and didn't entertain people much with his music. His father used to beat Mozart and was also a heavy drinker. He would sometimes come home very late at night with a friend, completely drunk, and used to take Beethoven out of bed to make him play the piano. When Ludwig was 16 his mother died of tuberculosis and he was left to take care of his two younger brothers. In 1792 he moved to Vienna, where he started developing his music skills further under instructions of famous musicians such as Antonio Salieri and maybe even Mozart himself. His life saw another tragedy at around 1801, when Beethoven began to lose his hearing. He suffered a rare form of tinnitus, which caused a “roaring” in his ears. His loss of hearing resulted in Beethoven falling into a depression, and even considering suicide. However, at around 1816, Beethoven overcame his problems and began composing again. It was during this period of his career, that he composed his final symphony, probably the greatest of all his compositions, featuring the famous “Ode to Joy”. His music generally depicted scenes of struggle and tension, followed by peace and glorification.
Now, hoping that you have recovered from the brief history lesson, I would like to give you my opinion. As I said before, what amazed me about Beethoven is not just his music, but also his life. The man recovered from a serious depression, got back to work (even though completely deaf) and composed one of the greatest pieces of music ever made. His determination and his courage are something that I admire very much.
About his music, what was so special about it? Well, apart from all the stuff that a music teacher would tell you about Beethoven introducing new methods in the structure of symphonies, expanding the orchestra, using odd chords; you don't need to know all that stuff to find out what was so special about his music. Just listen to his music. I have never heard a type of music as emotionally and musically powerful as Beethoven's. As I mentioned before, his music often depicted peace and joy after a period of struggle, which in my opinion, could reflect the struggles he faced in his life.
In conclusion, I would like to point out some pieces of his music which I really enjoyed and I really think define Beethoven as one of music's most prodigious sons. Here are some bits of music which I found just amazing and powerful, and that I hope you will enjoy as much as I did.

1) 5th Symphony, Final part of the 1st Movement.
2) Fur Elise
3) “The Pastoral”
4) “The Moonlight Sonata”
5) 9th Symphony, Last Movement (“The Ode to Joy”)
[ Ajouter un commentaire ] [ 4 commentaires ]

# Posté le samedi 20 janvier 2007 18:00

Modifié le dimanche 21 janvier 2007 05:56

Who Knows...?

I haven't written anything on my blog for quite a while now. So here's something for you to think about. Enjoy!

==========================================================================

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself: What if I'm not really alone here? What if there are, in fact, beings or things that we cannot see or hear; invisible forces or spirits that we force ourselves to call “nonsense” and “products of our imagination”. I'm not asking you directly if you believe in ghosts, spirits, unknown beings or anything. What I'm asking you is: do you think it's possible?
Of course, at this point I am sure some people might be going: “Come on Luca, what the hell are you on about?” but please, read on. I want you to listen, and understand my points of view, on something that people may find complete nonsense, or an unknown reality, that is for you to decide when you're done.
Ghosts, spirits, invisible beings, these are all things that we could consider as physically impossible. Things we just invented to scare our kids so that they can behave. Work of our imaginations. After all, we advanced so much in intelligence, mechanics and technology, don't you think that we would have been able to notice if there were any “strange” beings or spirits. All we know about ghosts and spirits came from our minds, we invented our own ghosts. Some people took it too seriously, and decided to be afraid of these inventions. Others, the more rational people, stuck to the fact that these beings are inexistent, not real. But...
How can you be so sure? After all, we are only human. How can we have the power to decide whether or not something exists just because we cannot manage to see it or hear it or obtain any sign of its existence? I would like to give you some examples to show that maybe we're wrong about what we know about the world.
First, I would like to point out that what we see or hear is nothing but an illusion of reality. For example, a dog and a man are both placed in front of an apple, looking at it. The dog sees it in black and white, whereas the man sees it in colours. So how do we know what colour the apple really is? We cannot, by any means, immediately assume that what we see corresponds to reality just because we are more advanced and more intelligent than dogs. Our illusion of reality is given to us by our organs: our senses of touch, taste, hearing, sight, and smell are interpreted by our nerves, our tongue, our ears, our nose, and our eyes. As I pointed out using the example of the apple, our organs never give us a perfect reflection of reality; they only give us and idea, a hypothesis of what we're seeing, or feeling, or hearing. Our organs interpret reality in a completely different way so that our minds can understand it. Vibrations traveling through the air for us become sounds; Reflections of light for us become colours. We only get an impression of reality.
Now that I have pointed out to you that humans are not perfect, no matter how advanced and smart we are, let's get back to the point. Taken into consideration that through our organs we get a different interpretation of what is real, can we not say that maybe there are some things that our organs fail to interpret, or interpret them in a way which causes us to not realize anything? Our eyes cannot manage to see anything smaller than a grain of sand, and we cannot see far enough to clearly visualize a star, we cannot hear sounds of extremely high pitch. Given these facts, can we not also say that maybe our organs fail to detect some objects, or even beings?
Another thing I would like to point out is how man tells himself to believe or not to believe in things. We believe in atoms and sub-atomic particles even though we cannot see them ourselves. Why do we believe in them then? And since we can believe in things like atoms, why can't we believe in things like spirits or beings undetectable by man? I think man chooses not to believe in some things because he is afraid. We choose not to believe in other beings because we are afraid that these beings might be a menace to the advanced race of man. So we declare these beings as heresies.
To conclude this argument, I would like to point out that nothing is definite. We cannot be sure of anything. We cannot say for a fact that there are no such things as ghosts, and we also cannot say for a fact that beings unknown to man do not exist. “Facts leave no room for possibilities.” I am not asking you to believe in ghosts or spirits, and I'm definitely not asking to declare them as nonsense. Instead, I am inviting you to think, I am inviting you to ask yourselves the question: Is it possible?

“I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.” - Socrates

P.S. After reading this text, please observe the picture very carefully. What we see is only an illusion of reality...
Who Knows...?
[ Ajouter un commentaire ] [ 5 commentaires ]

# Posté le lundi 15 janvier 2007 16:29

Modifié le dimanche 25 mars 2007 15:22

Christmas 2006

A video I made on Christmas, which I spent with several of my family members in Rome. I guess the only special thing about this video is that it's my own footage, not "second-hand" footage, like the previous videos I made. Anyway, nothing much. See ya
[ Ajouter un commentaire ] [ 5 commentaires ]

# Posté le mardi 09 janvier 2007 12:04

Modifié le mardi 09 janvier 2007 12:38